Falling ocean-deep into a dark whirlwind of thoughts and starry skies. There is a strange calmness as I slowly spin around on the harbour’s dark gravel. The fading voices of the people blowing smoke, the bronze half moon that we watch sinking. The tied boats and monochrome lights that create patterns around the small village. All these people who spit out words and laughter, who call me by my name and share their food and drinks and cigarettes with me – all these people I’m surrounded with… And yet I’m alone. They think I’m real, but I’m only an echo. Time and space behave as if in a dream and I’m forced to hash my screams – I know what happens to dream characters when the dream ends. I know and I clasp the rail and hold on as firmly as I can. I will not be sucked away into nothingness; I will not dissolve into air. Not yet.
But for how long?
We see clouds gathering on the sky. Sunlight never lasts. Soon the darkness will come – as it always does. I will sink in it and let it consume me whole. And when I jump into nothingness, it will be willingly.
Tags: bi-polar, creative words, life stories
wow…that was amazing. i don’t think i can ever write anything like that. that…was…awesome.
Thank you; your comments are much appreciated!
I think you have thoroughly grasped the nature of our existing existence.
The realization that there is no signifier in the Real, only the echo and the phantom of the copy of an idea we have created, seemingly concrete, in order for us not to dissolve into nothingness. Substance is imagined, fragmentation and the nothing or the non-thing is. Our skin is falling apart and yet we fail to see. We strive to put it back together to persuade our selves that we are real and whole, and yet as you insinuate there shall be only the big black hole.
(Sometimes in that place, where the boats cradle our minds, the half-lights reflected on the salt blur our vision, there where somebody sings of tone i feel the world is a small glass bowl in which we are trapped. Is there really Reason in the human mind? Have all thinkers failed to see that there is no Logic in anything?)
I really love how in only two short paragraph you were able to express such complex emotion. ( I hope that you’re not the speaker of this story and that you don’t jump “into nothingness”)
Wanted to leave you a note saying someone, a stranger, understood. And that no matter how white our knuckles get from gripping reality, its like grains of sand in our fingers. Hard to hold on to.
May lady luck kiss your forehead,
and you wake to a better day.
*Found you on stumbleupon.
Nice writing! I would appreciate your help to illustrate my pictures on my blog. Keep on going…
Hi,
thanks for the great quality of your blog, each time i come here, i’m amazed.
black hattitude.