- Eirene Evripidou

The fight that never ends

“Please stand up and fight

against the sickness deep inside

You are much too young to die
      – The Sickness, Terminal Choice

{This is for all the people out there, who are fighting (invisible,) chronic illnesses.}

Years and years lost; a black hole, an abyss, a never-ending eclipse. Dying at the hands of dark ghosts.
And I’m sorry, but I couldn’t be yours. I kept slipping away like sand, like rain, like confusion and sad poetry. I walked on the edge; drowned everything I could have been. I never blamed you though. For not saving me. You see, I couldn’t be yours. Because I was empty and bitter and afraid. I was so young, diagnosed with something so horrible. A life tainted with grief and pain and isolation. I was frightened by my own darkness.
Fire in my head, ocean in my lungs; couldn’t you just let me go? Ashes and silence. Falling tears – numbing snowflakes preserved on my skin. Take the pills, they say. But who’s going to take me home?
(How old do you think I am? Will I face the raven soon? Have I offended God? Do you really love me?)
• I don’t smoke, but I burn your cigarettes, when I’m alone. It’s comforting and hurtful at the same time.
• Winter’s over and visiting hours are over too. The roses in the vase will bloom and then turn to dust while I sleep.
• Do you know, that every star that shines out there knows your name? That every star-particle is a prayer for you?
• So many years gone. Take your pills, they say. But who’s going to take me home?
• Morning comes and we are still fighting the unending fight; because there is hope embedded in the sunrise, in the star-storms, in the soft sea-waves, in the nightingale’s love-song to the rose. There’s something beautiful abandoned and left to disappear in the dark creases of the day. But when I close my eyes sometimes I can see it. And it heals, more than any pill ever can. (Don’t give up. Just don’t give up.)

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