Posts Tagged ‘bi-polar’

Roses in the hospital

Friday, September 18th, 2009

People would never understand. About the nightmares that crawl underneath her skin. About the pain and the roses. Those red roses she keeps underneath her pillow. She has used the thorns to bleed herself alive, at those dark days of stillness and endless repetition of whiteness, of bareness around her.

But there are other days too. The days she collects the roses. Those incredibly fast, radiant days when she runs with palms full of sun, eyes like volcanoes, heart like neverland and breathes out glitter and kaleidoscopic worlds.

(more…)

Hurricanes and star-rains

Saturday, September 12th, 2009

Time moves in circles. Clockwise. Anti-clockwise. Existence becomes intangible; it cracks with our every movement. & We fall through coiled labyrinths that lead into motionless worlds with reigning emptiness. We can feel every hard edge and every fracture of the world; it hurts. Winter will soon come and this toxic feeling of absence will grow stronger.

We do not pretend to understand how this works. You don’t hold my hand and I don’t move towards you. We stand next to each other: with glazed lips and caked eyes, full of fire. With burning suns in the place of our hearts and thoughts travelling at the speed of light.

(more…)

The Calm before the Storm

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

Falling ocean-deep into a dark whirlwind of thoughts and starry skies. There is a strange calmness as I slowly spin around on the harbour’s dark gravel. The fading voices of the people blowing smoke, the bronze half moon that we watch sinking. The tied boats and monochrome lights that create patterns around the small village. All these people who spit out words and laughter, who call me by my name and share their food and drinks and cigarettes with me – all these people I’m surrounded with… And yet I’m alone. They think I’m real, but I’m only an echo. Time and space behave as if in a dream and I’m forced to hash my screams – I know what happens to dream characters when the dream ends. I know and I clasp the rail and hold on as firmly as I can. I will not be sucked away into nothingness; I will not dissolve into air. Not yet.

But for how long?

We see clouds gathering on the sky.  Sunlight never lasts. Soon the darkness will come – as it always does. I will sink in it and let it consume me whole. And when I jump into nothingness, it will be willingly.

Persephone’s Curse

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

Today we saved a butterfly and painted glitter flowers with tiny pollen flakes. This is another faerie dream that has sprung out of a rift in nightmares. And I think I was crying in a dream, but I don’t remember what you looked like.
All I can see now is tiny star-shaped flowers sprinkled with fairy dust. I see kaleidoscopes twisting, swirling and disappearing like rainbows on a cloudy sky.
The sun hasn’t set for days. I can’t seem to stop running. Chasing light gleams and sea-songs. Almost like a child.

Almost. Because deep down I know the truth. I know the sun will set. I know it would have to die. I know Hades would climb up from the depths of the earth and he would drag me down to the mouldy darkness. Always. He always comes and I always fall.

(2009-5-7)