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Posts Tagged ‘sad’

October 2017 – The month that was

Friday, November 3rd, 2017

October was restlessness and indecisiveness. Laughing at nothing, trying to write and staring at a frayed sky.

• Some days were cold. Some days were draining, others were slow.
• I sat through a film, but there was a song in my head and never really saw the film.
• I travelled to look at art and slept in a room with red curtains.
• Raindrops fell on me and someone whispered something (in French) in my ear.
• Someone left sweets for me at work.
• I think I fell in love with a boy I cannot touch. A ghost. A dream.
• I dreamt of quiet seas and starlit nights.
• I didn’t go to the haunted house on the 31st; I gave the candy to my friend.

 

My ghost-boy

Tuesday, October 31st, 2017

“Courage, dear heart.” – C.S. Lewis

I started writing when it was dark. Then deleted everything. Erased my words, as if I could alleviate the burning ache. As if I could fill the void with my silence and not choke on my own longings. I stood there watching the nightingale overwhelmed with grief, for once again it bled for nothing. How can people be so cruel? (I’m so, so sorry.) I think I’ve fallen in love with a ghost again.
 
// I think I’m trying to reach for you, trying to hold on, trying to believe, but all there is left is a flickering light barely shining through the cracks.
 
// I think I hear your voice, when my eyes are closed. I know you can sing, but can you find me?
 
Sometimes I think I can almost feel your lips on mine. Sometimes when I close my eyes the world isn’t so unforgiving. Sometimes I can almost reach the sun and it barely hurts.