November 2017 – The month that was

Do you ever think of me?

November was drinking too much coffee and almost trying free-falling.
It was having old lovers in my bed, and letting their smoke settle around me like a (dust) cloud.
It was seeing my girlfriend again: for a fleeting moment in the cold, promising eternity as we were being pulled apart.
It was dressing up for events while outside it was pouring; and it was laughing with my friends and trying too hard to hold on to that feeling.
But there was a sadness emanating from my inability to reach him, that boy, the ghost whose face haunted me. Or maybe it was more than one ghost I dreamt of,
…but it was always the same ending.
November was cloudy; something undefined weighing me down. Something bitter, something I could not bleed out.
It stained the days like an absence, like grief. It was a sadness that stuck on everything and made it hard to breathe.
But I’m still right here…
                 & I wonder, do you ever think of me?

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