Maybe in a different life

I’m the girl that fell in love with a boy with dark moon eyes.
Pain-filled eyes that leave me helpless.
I want to sink into the black.

I’m just a girl, with green-grey eyes and the kind of longing that breeds eternal sadness.
I’m a girl with words burning on my lips.
I’m made of roses and moonlight and sadness. Lilies and loneliness and teardrops. I’m a poet-girl, tiptoeing on fragile dreams, holding onto borrowed hope. I’m the girl who falls for ghost-boys and writes about dream fragments or the sea or you. I’m a girl that maybe in another life, you could have loved.

I’m a girl, unsettled, underneath a sky of ashes.
I’m the girl with the broken heart that makes herself bleed and gets drunk so she won’t have to remember how hope only gives way to disappointment. The girl that asks you to hit her because pain is all she feels. (And deep down she wants to see if you’ll do it.)
Maybe she wishes you’d save her.
But you can’t.
You won’t.

I’m the girl that loved you so much. But now she needs to let you go. Because holding on hurts too much.

Maybe in another life you could have loved me.
Maybe in another life I’d be enough.

Worlds and dreams and tomorrows that could never,
should never,
would never happen.
(dreams of us – oh, what foolish dreams those were)
(but I’m awake now – I know ’cause it hurts so much)
(I know ’cause there are ashes where you should have been)
(I know because the sky is dust and we were never even really here)
(It’s just so dark.)
(I always want what I can’t have.)

Your dark brown eyes are flickering, like stars on a dusky sky.
Rose petals float in rushing waters.
Like ghosts of my dreams.
& I wish you could stay.
& I’d carry all the pain with me. I wouldn’t let you have it.
But now the jasmines are withering and it’s too late. The moon wanes and everything left unsaid will be forever lost.

Now all that remains are remnants of a love that would never be.
I really think it was love babe. You just couldn’t handle it.

(A bittersweet anticipation at the tip of my lips.)
//To the boy with the dark eyes… You are wrong. I can feel your pain.
And I wish you could really see me. But now the sky is empty and hope has faded.
Rose petals falling on tear puddles. Sadness is inevitable.

I won’t forget you.

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